I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
