I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
