tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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