we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
