She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
