im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
