Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
