I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
