I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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