doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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