If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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