I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
