How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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