just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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