My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's always time for handjobs
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
