playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
