That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize