PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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