Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
