i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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