She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
