u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
