I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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