If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
In America we eat man semen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
