just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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