whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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