was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
