I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
