Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
