First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
