All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
