my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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