I want to have your abortion
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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