i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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