would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
