ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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