he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
