puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
