I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
