Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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