We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
