I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
