You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
