Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
