her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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