Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
