Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
