I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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