May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this boner is exhausting
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
