Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm having to shit out rocks
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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