I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
