I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
