I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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