why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
