just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
