I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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