omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
