the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
