I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
