Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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