i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.