Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
