I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was like getting head from an anaconda
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
