On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
where am i from again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
