It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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