Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
