We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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