You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
