Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
