How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
