im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
