She's JV to your varsity
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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