lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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