hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
