I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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