I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
