so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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