He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
